I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
