Can i not drive my cunt home
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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