oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
