When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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