just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
