thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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