Just cropdusted the office
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
