Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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