I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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