Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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