you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
