yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
