i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
