What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
