do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
