i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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