Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
