my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
