fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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