The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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