how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
