I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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