He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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