I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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