We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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