kristin has been a bad kristin
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
