u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
