I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
