So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
