Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
