Please, let me fuck your mom
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
