If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
