the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
