your room smells of hookers.
And success
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
