dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
