She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
