Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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