I am midnight drunk by noon
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
