Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
