He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
