i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
