So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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