I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
