Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
