We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
