that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
