burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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