i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
