Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
