Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
